Rehabilitation of the Abuser

I chose to marry young and not listen to those who were older and wiser, who warned me that he was not the one. I made a decision early on that I would never be a divorce statistic, so I tried everything, but mainly staying quiet, laying low and learning to duck his blows. I tried leaving a couple times, he found me and drug me home the first time. The second time I got an apartment and stayed out three months. I faltered in my strength and went back one more time because my boys missed their Dad. The last time I left, I had been married 17 years and I ran for my life, literally.

Once I was free, I reflected, wrote poetry, and finally came to the conclusion that if someone had spoken to me and given me a list of warning signs rather than simply saying he is bad, I may have listened. I contemplated and wrote until I felt that I had a complete list that described ten to twelve signs that could be a wake up call. Those signs go both ways as do abusers. I decided to be a prevention specialist, even though that career did not yet exist.

I wrote a prevention program, and through the local Women's Shelter, Safenet, I taught those programs for over eight years. My goal is to reach and teach as many young people as humanly possible how worthy they are, and equip them with warning signs that are real. For a long time young women sought me out in grocery stores or at Walmart and asked, are you the lady that came to my school. I would answer yes. They would then tell me how because of my work, so and so got out of her bad situation, or someone else got away from their husband before he could break any more bones.

Out working in the schools I started looking for others trying to work in the area of prevention. There are many, but I am particularly fond of Tony Porter, and his call to men. He attempts to teach them  where their thinking has gone wrong, and what is acceptable. He is well respected and known in his field, this video come from a talk to women about the man box, and how he is trying to change the way men think.